Brianna McInerny wearing a burgundy turtle neck with her hair in braids, with tears in her red eyes.

Quarantine 2020: Anxiety To Conscious Wholeness

Friendly reminder: whatever you’re experiencing right now is OK.

Whatever emotions are involved. Full-spectrum – complete bliss, to angry, to awful, and everything in between.

However inspired & productive you’re feeling, even if not at all.

If you’re pulled towards rest.

Whether you’re connecting virtually or isolating even more than you need to, or if you don’t have the luxury of isolating at all.

Any challenges or disagreements you’re having.

If you’re feeling lonely, or like you can’t get a moment alone. Or both.

If your life, relationships, and business are doing better than before, or if everything is in the gutter…

It’s ok, babe – it’s all gravy. There’s no need to judge.

quarantine conscious wholeness
I took this photo a few weeks ago. It was mid-first-week-of-self-quarantine and the vast uncertainty/fear in our world was getting to me. I was sad, scared, angry, grateful, hopeful, excited – all the things. I was also EXHAUSTED from all of it.

My anxiety was the worst it’s been in years, maybe the worst it’s ever been, at this moment pictured.

I can see my own discomfort in my raised shoulders & my scrunched up face. Overwhelmingly on edge, controlling, & defensive. Literal heart pain. Many tears & fears. That sort of thing.

I knew this state was not resourceful to hang out in, and I knew the stress of anxiety on my body would only make me more vulnerable to my fears. Not to mention, anxiety doesn’t do much for my relationships or my goals!

I knew I was called to stand up, show up, and serve my people, but that no amount of fear or anxiety belongs in my message, spoken or felt. I didn’t want to have any part of contributing to the fear (or predatory marketing) in the air.

So, I dug deeper into my daily focus on Conscious Wholeness to soothe & support myself into a more powerful, inspired, actionable place. Here’s what that looked like for me…

natural wholeness
Staying away from screens, moving my body, and being in nature has been huge.

My first step for getting pretty much anywhere is acceptance.

My experience is OK. It’s acceptable because it is. All parts of me are acceptable & allowed here. (Yours are too.) From acceptance, I can ultimately expand into full throttle enjoyment of every part of my current experience – even the parts that suck.

With acceptance, I stop resisting & fighting against the things I want to change. When I stop wasting time & energy resisting something’s mere existence, whether it’s inside or outside of me, I free up energy to see things more clearly – so I can do whatever I need to do to shift for the highest & best of all involved.

Also related to acceptance – I’ve been finding a lot of satisfaction & comfort in shadow work.

If you’re not familiar, shadow work is about accepting/integrating/loving up on the parts of ourselves that we’ve learned to hide & reject. This can be triggering & symptom producing in itself, especially if you’re new to the practice. It’s also incredibly effective for real-life magic-making.

shadow work
This current read, Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliot, has been guiding my most recent dive into my shadow. With shadow work, it’s incredibly wise to have a guide (like Carolyn or me). <3

After acceptance, my next step was Emotional Alchemy.

Simply put, I felt what I was honestly feeling, approached it with curiosity, and excavated clarity & guidance from the pain I was experiencing.

I explored the biggest source of my anxiety – that I could possibly lose my life or someone I love.

Another fear was stemming from a deep belief that the Earth doesn’t want me here. I wondered if I’ve done enough good, purpose-driven work in my life to warrant her keeping me around through this.

I examined where the sore spots were, where my shadow was secretly enjoying this experience and determined what if anything I could do to address the fears I was having.

Going through this process reminded me how much I love living on this Earth, and how much I cherish the people that I get to spend time with here. I want to have as much time here as possible, so I can live to be a wise elder! I have a lot to give to the world, and I want to show up every single day to give those gifts as best as I possibly can.

Ultimately, I can only control my approach to the situation, not the situation itself.

I decided that I *could* control doing things to boost my immunity – like going through this Conscious Wholeness process – reducing stress/increasing joy & pleasure, taking exquisite care of my body, and setting strong boundaries around personal contact to follow CDC guidelines related to the current pandemic.

It also feels like I’m processing big emotion for the collective in addition to my own stuff – can you relate? There’s a LOT to sort through. As a result of my reflection, I started getting even more intentional about my energetic boundaries along with the physical ones.

Now I’m staying connected to my friends & family through this time… checking in on them, enjoying those relationships as much as I can, letting them know how much they mean to me while we’re all still here.

I’m inspired to continue showing up every day, open to receiving intuitive guidance about which actions are next for me, with a willingness to take those actions.

After sorting through all of that, I went deeper into caring for my body.

Luckily, that’s been really easy for me to do in my current privileged circumstances.

I allowed myself to relax, separating myself from my tech & almost all outside media. I started taking a daily nap & I let myself off the hook in as many ways as possible so I could pour all my energy back into myself.

I’ve been making use of opportunities to work out virtually with friends from all over the country. I’ve exercised at home for years, and it’s never been easier or more satisfying. These pilates classes with an old co-worker & friend Lo Collins are my recent favorite.

puppy love
We welcomed this new puppy, Maynard, into our home in February & he’s been keeping us very busy! The timing seemed awful initially, but now we see how perfect it was.

Caring for him has been incredibly helpful for me physically, too, pushing me into long daily walks & fresh air at least a few times a day.

signs of spring
I’ve been enjoying every sign of spring in our yard. It gives me a nice sense of normalcy & routine among all the changes happening, offering a reminder to step back & let the Earth do its thing.

When I’m connected with my body, aware of my emotional experience, and prioritizing my physical feel-good this way, I’m naturally more calm, grounded, and confident in my abilities to face the challenges at hand.

Which brings me to trust.

This is the needle mover for me when I need to shift anxiety into a more powerful place, especially lately.

For starters, trust begins inside of myself – trusting myself to take care of my own needs, follow through on my own word, & protect myself effectively in times of need, as best I can, no matter what happens.

Additionally, I’ve needed to surrender to what I can’t control, humbling myself to receive information and guidance from sources larger than myself.

From there, I moved into recognition of how the universe supports me. I can find a LOT of evidence to support that recently – ranging from everyday stuff to cool synchronicities to the straight-up spooky magical events.

I’m so grateful for the resources I have access to, and how well I’m set up for this time in our lives.

We had an incredible & unexpectedly full weekend with loved ones right before all of this went down.

natural wholeness
I often miss living in Boston, but these days I’m incredibly grateful to live exactly where I do, within easy walking distance to very private pieces of nature.

I’m financially prepared – not only in my bank account but in my relationship with money & consumerism as well.

I already loved getting my groceries delivered. I’ve received most of my fresh produce at my doorstep for over a year through Misfits Market. (Want to give Misfits a try? You can use the code COOKWME-YM5BSY to give both of us 25% off).

The cherry on top is that this pandemic has changed absolutely nothing about my business. I already do mostly virtual work with my clients from a home office. I network virtually with people all over the country. There has never been more need for high-quality emotional support & guidance, in a way that doesn’t overburden our healthcare system. Plus, I had already transitioned Conscious Wholeness to a pay-what-you-want model back in early February. No changes needed. I’m already as accessible as possible for everyone regardless of their financial situation.

This and more is Conscious Wholeness.

I access a more powerful state of being through Conscious Wholeness whenever I’m feeling anxious, and practicing this over time has helped me create the perfect life for me that can’t really be shattered. The only thing that will shatter me someday is death itself, and I can only pray that’s many years from now.

Conscious Wholeness moves me through the world from a place of deep authentic connection with myself, my body, my spirituality, the Earth, and the people who mean the most to me. Practicing strengthens & deepens this feeling over time. It has me feeling safe, good enough, ready for whatever life throws at me.

I know that as long as I have air in my lungs & this body to carry me around I can get through anything. That is an amazing feeling.

I’m feeling so much better now, but in this world, it’s a daily focus to stay here.

Really, it’s always been a daily focus remembering that *I* am the only thing in my control.

Conscious Wholeness helps me control what I can, and let the rest go.

When I do that, I can see this period of time for what it is – an unbelievably magical, miraculous, unprecedented opportunity for us to evolve together as humans.

The Earth is asking us to reflect on who we are, what we’re getting hung up on, and where our priorities lie. She’s asking us to start working with her instead of against her.

There has never been a better time to shed the way things have always been so we can rebuild it the way we WANT it to be.

That’s where I’m hanging out lately.

If you relate, I would love to explore this new world together.

Join Conscious Wholeness so we can dive deep together, come hang in my free FB group the Cocoon, book time to connect with me 1:1, or simply leave a comment and let me know what you think. <3

Thank you so much for reading. Stay safe & well and we’ll talk again soon.

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