Urgings from a Recovering Man-Hater

My people, I have a confession to make… I’m a recovering man-hater.

I used to blame pretty much everything on guys, something I realized while reading “The Queen’s Code” by Alison Armstrong. I used to think men were stupid, that they didn’t have any emotions, and I basically used them as a scapegoat for all of my unhappiness and negative emotions.

In my defense, this man-hatred was born out of a lot of painful interactions with men. I’m no stranger to being ignored, being cheated on, being name-called… being gawked at and cat-called. I’ve even been abused physically and sexually by men.

But, despite all that, I recently decided that my man-hatred HAD to go.

You see, my subconscious resentment towards men was preventing me from having fulfilling, supportive relationships with the men in my life. At every turn, I was cutting them down with sarcasm or treating them like babies. I acted like my desires were more important than theirs, as though what I wanted for them mattered more than what they wanted for themselves.

I’ve realized now, treating men like that only pushes them farther away. I’ve realized that all this discord between men and women is really a big fat misunderstanding.

The truth is, men care a LOT about how they’re seen by women. They want to provide us with everything we want. They want to make us happy. But ladies, they don’t always know how to express themselves effectively. And honestly, sometimes when men DO express themselves, we only cut them down even more…

Because at the end of the day, nothing gets our emotions going quite like our relationships do. And when we aren’t holding the reins tightly, the ride can get a liiiittle bumpy.

When we women are able to get our emotional shit together, and when we act in loving, supportive ways towards men, something really magical happens. All of a sudden they’re more attracted to us, and they’re more comfortable with us. All of a sudden they’re happy to give us exactly what makes us happy, because making us happy makes them happy. All of a sudden, they really care about protecting us rather than hurting us. That’s what my program “The Art Of Man-Speak” is all about.

All that said, my biggest message today is for the ladies… Don’t underestimate how much our comments about male incompetency impact the men we love. Know that sometimes men don’t tell us how they’re feeling because they weren’t really taught tools for emotional expression. They’ve been bombarded with messages that emotions make them less effective men, and we often reinforce that message without even realizing it, out of sheer misunderstanding.

Ladies – when we as women take steps to put down our swords, the men in our lives follow suit. With our support and understanding, they’re much more willing to do things differently.

There’s more than enough power and love to go around.

I hope you’ll keep that in mind as you enjoy your weekend!! Thanks so much for being here and for reading. As my dad used to say – peace, love, and happiness, hasta la vista baby!

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