Mental Wholeness Step 7: Boundaries

Are you willing to protect yourself, your alignment, and your personal space?

Would you love to give and receive openly with more love in your heart?

Healthy boundaries are about both of these things. It’s both keeping unwanted, harmful things out, AND letting the good things in.

What do I mean when I say “boundaries”?

I think of a boundary as the line where one thing meets another. They might be visible, like a door, a wall, or a fence, or they might be invisible, like the border between states or the energy between people.

Remember that energy body we talked about back in step 5? Your energetic self has boundaries all it’s own, and you have the ability to impact those boundaries with your focus.

Boundaries are ever-changing things, they can be different moment to moment.

We live in a time that it’s more important than ever to be able to express ourselves about our boundaries – what we will and will not accept in our lives & with our bodies. We must be prepared to state our wants and needs explicitly for the people around us, especially when miscommunications happen.

At the same time, I’ve found that it’s often possible to inspire more respect from others for your boundaries without needing to bring it up explicitly at all.

This is because your boundaries all start inside of you – they need to be enforced on the inside first. (There’s also this thing that my clients and I call energetic communication in the program Surrender Strategy).

At the core of Boundaries is understanding what you deserve, and insisting that you will treat yourself in alignment with that. Other people will follow your lead.

Again, we’re embodying the energy of the person who is already living the vision you created back in clarity. You can allow your experiences in the emotional alchemy process to guide you. Understanding & evaluating how you feel is a great way to figure out where your boundaries lie, and what you need from yourself and others to feel satisfied.

You deserve to feel deeply comfortable and satisfied. You deserved to have your needs and your dreams fulfilled. Everyone does.

We also deserve to have support around this.

When you start noticing and communicating your boundaries to the people around you, there might be a bit of an uncomfortable blurt phase. During blurt phase, you’re not quite sure what to say in the moments your boundaries are crossed, and you haven’t quite learned how to soften your words with love yet (a nice thing to do, especially for those closest to you).

Plus, as I mentioned earlier, boundaries can be tricky and they move around all the time, depending on the context of whatever situation you’re in.

Sometimes we become limited by our own beliefs around the treatment we should and shouldn’t accept, as opposed to what truly feels right for us as individuals, and our relationships can get all mixed up because of that.

We need someone to hold space for us and reassure us about what’s possible for us and what we deserve.

This can be complicated stuff to sort out, but it’s so worth the effort.

When you start to feel safe and powerful in your own skin, your whole world will change. You’ll open yourself up to experiencing more and more love-filled goodness, as you build your confidence that you deserve it & you give it to yourself first. This is what healthy boundaries will provide for you.

So, take a deep breath, connect with yourself, and ask: Where in my life am I accepting less than I deserve? What line is being crossed there? How can I better respect this boundary within myself today?  

If you’re looking for personalized guidance, support, or just to continue the conversation, feel free to email me any time – info@briannamcinerny.com. I’d love to connect with you.

(If you’re looking for some video content about this, check out these throwback videos on push/pull relationships, for people-pleasers, How to Get More Confidence, Power & Respect, or How to Get rid of Toxic Relationships.

The final component of Mental Wholeness is Trust.

Give Lovingly: Be Generous Without Sacrificing Yourself

Generosity is giving more of oneself – more time, more money, more kindness – than is necessary or expected given the situation.

Generosity is an extremely desirable quality to have. It also has a dark side.

The desire to give weighs heavily on people who don’t give to themselves first and foremost. 

Giving & receiving are two sides of the same coin; balance is what brings true & deep satisfaction in this area. 

Over-giving without a balanced amount of receiving makes it so much more difficult to give lovingly of ourselves while making it all too easy to breed overwhelm and resentment. 

Over-receiving without a balanced amount of giving will still never quite feel like enough and we get stuck looking for satisfaction outside of ourselves. 

The pressure & desire to be generous often doubles during the holiday season.

For instance…

Our own financial well-being suffers so we can donate money & buy gifts. 

We always say “yes” to new responsibilities or events, when we’re already worn paper-thin.

We force smiles and niceties with people and family members who don’t make us feel good, just to maintain the status quo.

When we neglect our own needs like this for the benefit of others, we nurture a breeding ground for resentment, anger, and eventually burnout, when we have absolutely nothing left to give.

This is not the spirit of real generosity.

True generosity happens naturally – inspired and overflowing from a full cup, without creating any hardship at all for the giver.

(Any hardship that *is* endured will be outweighed by the joy & the consequences of giving, as long as you’re meeting your own needs first). 

Acts of giving carry an element of receiving, too. There’s no way around it. 

If you get really honest with yourself, you may realize, that any self-less over-giving you do usually comes with some expectation about what you’ll receive in return – even if that expectation is unrealistic

So, you may as well be realistic, and embrace this truth that giving & receiving need to be balanced to feel inspiring, empowering, and genuinely enjoyable for everyone involved. 

When you lean into the experience of giving from a full, loving place, you’ll always receive *something* in return – even if it’s simply receiving an awareness about how it feels best to give moving forward.

Sometimes the most generous thing you can do is lovingly & gracefully receiving from someone else.

Think about giving compliments for instance – it always feels better for the giver when the receiver takes the kindness in deeply, clearly benefitting from the sentiment that was given to them. 

When you’re NOT enjoying the process of giving – when you feel like you don’t have a choice, or you feel that you never get anything back in return – that’s a sure sign you’ve stepped into the territory of self-induced self-sacrifice.

So let’s take a step back, shall we?

These tips will help you give lovingly throughout the holiday season.

1. Take 100% responsibility for the way you feel. Let other people take 100% responsibility for the way they feel, too. Your #1 job is to care for yourself – let that be your priority. It’s not your job to make other people happy. It’s not up to anyone else to make you happy, either. People will survive and thrive without you, or they’ll learn how with practice. That is a very, very good thing.

2. Learn what your “full-body yes” feels like, then follow it. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, connect with your body, connect with the wisest part of you, and ask – what does a full-body “yes” feel like for me? Say NO to everything that doesn’t elicit that solid YES reaction. You’ll still have plenty of amazing things to fill your calendar, especially during this time of year. Your time is valuable and in high demand – spend time following your “yes”, not pushing down your “no”.

3. Only commit to projects, parties, and people when you KNOW you will deliver. Everything on your to-do list will subtly drain your energy until it’s complete, so be deliberate, be selective, and be realistic. Don’t stretch yourself too thin. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone – you’re allowed to say “no” (or at least stay temporarily non-committal until you feel a clear “yes” or “no”).

When you give generously to yourself first, a loving generosity towards others will naturally emerge – because nothing feels better than making an impact in the life of a loved one or someone who needs it.

Don’t forget to lovingly receive this season as well. Feel the air on your skin, believe the compliments that come your way, intentionally enjoy and celebrate the abundance you receive & the connections you experience. 

Receive more by choosing what feels very good for you & your body in every moment – then witness how much more you’re able to give lovingly as a result. 

Give lots of gratitude for all of it to continue building this balance of giving & receiving – then watch this beautiful cycle continue.

What do YOU think? I would love to hear about it in the comments. 

If you’d love some extra support with this, I would love to connect with you! 

Check out my free FB group, The Cocoon, where I post self-reflective questions every day. 

Consider joining Conscious Wholeness to make more intentional choices that are aligned with what you want (the next live round is starting in January, but you’ll receive access to the last round of videos right away). (Also consider checking out this blog series on the topic). 

Schedule an Epiphany Session to receive personalized strategy & guidance from me about your unique situation. 

Or book a call with me to connect & find the next step that’s best for you.  

Happy Holidays!

Be Generous Without Sacrificing Yourself

give lovingly